Jake Wentworth

Dimly lit, this desk is where I come to my senses.

Heart on fire, trying to talk to God, that’s what this is.

Some go to the ocean, others go in a group, but I find peace right here.

I know I can cry, with tears or out to God, and no longer have any fear.

I’ve been facing my fears for a while now, this time I’ll write it down.

I fear extra alone time with God, the thing I love most, I face my own crown.

The splendor I face is a God whom I love, He runs His own race and invites me to my own,

but I fear where I’ve been, I don’t want to go back, even if I’m not alone.

You see my prayer today is a poem. I write as I communicate my heart.

There are things I must stop, so I guess this place is my start:

God, I call out to you with the only way I know.

I’m good at what I do, but I want new, for me you must show.

My heart desires adventure, but right now my adventure is peace.

My race is not finished, but this puzzle now has every piece.

I’ve felt as though something was missing, your heart I couldn’t see.

I was so caught up in the journey that I missed what you mean to me.

Adventure is good, but it makes a terrible god.

You too are good, and you place each piece of sod.

You create a field of people who run to your side.

You teach them who you are as we lay down our pride, of which I am the most guilty.

I thought I was you. It hurts cuz I’m filthy.

Covered in my own sin, I run back to you.

Excuses course through my veins, I thought I’d know what to do,

but I keep going because I trust that you are a God who saves

and loves me like a child who constantly misbehaves.

My prayer continues, but this time in a different format.

I keep looking for the key, meanwhile I’m standing on the doormat.

I’m welcome here I know, but indeed the door is locked.

If I want to go in I must step off the mat, uncomfortable and rocked,

because I’m hit with emotion from what just entered my brain.

I step into unknown territory while still holding the knob keeping me sane.

I think part of the journey is knowing when you’re almost home.

I lift the mat, grab the key, unlock the door, and step into my honeycomb.

But in the stickiness I find a problem: Is this place really sweet?

Because every time I come home, it feels like the journey hits repeat.

How do I know this time will be different? I just want some evidence.

I believe my answer begins where I started. I’ve found my common sense.

Wisdom is something I’ve prayed for ever since I was young.

Now it is what I hope for, realizing there is a new song to be sung.

The journey continues, though it will look very different.

Praise God, I need new territory, the past one came and went.

 Oh trust me, there was good that came as a result,

but how can bad happen to me when it doesn’t even feel like it’s my fault?

There is a new discovery that I’ve found. I find it very relieving.

My past creates a future; freedom is what I am now believing.

My God came for me, the devil tried to take me down.

I had no clue what to do, so He came for me and gave me back my crown.

The one I left behind, thinking I was no longer worthy,

but He looks at me, serious, “My child, you can’t fathom your worth to me.”

Tears fall. Emotions respond from this new input I have received.

Can my actions truly become good? Unsure, I trust what I believed.

My God is good and so it seems are those created in Him.

My rebirth refreshes my soul, changing my perspective of what was dim.

These candles provide just enough light to communicate my ideas,

yet not irritate my eyes, those precious eyes that need us.

I’m at loss for words because my eyes take time to adjust to the light. 

Can I trust my own intuition, or run and feel safe on the wrong flight?

“Know that your feelings might give wrong directions.” – NF

I find this has become a pattern, emotions don’t determine my final breath.

I conclude with what I know: I’m reborn but not perfected.

I embark on a new journey, embraced and always protected.

Written April 25th, 2021